16 Signs You
Have a Sense of Entitlement Complex
When we were
young it was kind of cute when we threw tantrums as toddlers, not getting what
we wanted. People would coo at us, maybe
even pick us up and hold us, telling us in ooey-gooey tones that “you’ll get it
later” or “you’ve got to wait a little while“.
Then our tears would be mopped up, our snotty little noses would be
wiped, and we’d be placed gently to the ground again.
As we grew
older, some of us would learn to wait our turn, be patient and show
consideration for others. Some of us,
however, didn’t. We’d continue throwing
tantrums, but in more mature and sophisticated ways. We’d continue to demand our fair share from
others, but more subtly, and often without screaming or rolling around on the
floor crying. And last of all, we’d
continue to expect special treatment just because … well, just because we’re us
and it’s because what we deserve.
Naturally.
Well here’s
the thing … you’re not so special. And
this article will explain why.
Me! Me!
Me!
Linked with
narcissism in the world of psychoanalysis, having a sense of entitlement can
easily be mistaken as natural, and even healthy. After all, don’t our parents and societies
constantly tell us that “we’re unique”, “we’re special”, and “we’re number one”?
The truth
is, having a sense of entitlement is a malignant form of Self-Love, because it
often harms the people around us, which indirectly harms us in the long
term. In essence, a sense of entitlement
is established and upheld by the belief that we are the center of the universe,
and if the universe doesn’t meet our needs and desires, all hell will break
loose.
This
narcissistic mindset is often the result of failing to learn as children and
young adults that we are not so special, and other people don’t merely exist to
serve our needs and wants.
Some typical
examples of narcissistic sense of entitlement behaviors, include the following:
Tim and
Estelle are in a long term relationship.
Tim works full time to support Estelle and their child in a small two
bedroom apartment. Estelle spends a
large portion of Tim’s money on dresses and fancy accessories. When confronted, Estelle screams that she
never wanted to live a “poor and lonely life”, and Tim never treats her anyway.
Antonio
shows up unexpected at his mother’s house drunk one night expecting to receive
a bed, and a meal. When his mother
refuses, telling him to call his girlfriend to pick him up, he argues with her
and drives away in a drunken rage, not talking to her for the next 6 months.
Katie and
Xiang are best friends. But when Katie
doesn’t respond to one of Xiang’s texts within half an hour, Xiang blocks her
and doesn’t talk to her for the next week.
Xiang fights with Katie accusing her of “not caring” and “forgetting
about her”.
Alex and Ben
are a gay couple who are about to get married.
While Ben wants a humble and modest ceremony, Alex wants it to be
extravagant and expensive. Meeting with
the wedding adviser while Ben is sick one day, Alex raises the budget from
$5,000, to $20,000. When Ben finds out
he demands angrily why. Alex says that
he “deserves more than a measly little wedding” and guilt trips Ben into going
through with it.
These are
only a few illustrations, but there are countless stories out there that
exemplify both passive and aggressive disregard for others.
Sense of
Entitlement Symptoms
By now you
may be wondering: do I have a sense of entitlement? Like anything in life there is a spectrum,
and while you may not be a full-blown narcissist or have a borderline
personality disorder, you may exhibit a certain level of selfishness that makes
other people’s lives hard. If you have a
sense of entitlement, symptoms include the following:
1. You
impose unrealistic demands onto your family, children, friends, acquaintances,
lovers, employees, and/or employers.
2. You tend
to feel sorry for yourself if things don’t work out the way you wanted
(self-pity), and openly advertise this in melodramatic, attention-seeking ways.
3. People
have called you a “bully”, “manipulative”, “ruthless”, “egotistical”, “vain”,
or a “liar”.
4. You
believe that you deserve happiness and go to great, sometimes extreme lengths
to ensure that happens, often at the expense of others.
5. You
punish people when they don’t do what you want either passively (e.g. silent
treatment, gossiping, spreading rumors) or aggressively (e.g. shouting,
verbally/physically abusing).
6. In order
to “succeed” in life, you believe in going to any lengths.
7. You
constantly see other people as competition or “threats”.
8. You tend
to exhibit many double-standards in the way you behave/interact with other
people, e.g. I can be late and forget my duties and commitments, but YOU can’t;
I can treat myself, but YOU can’t; I can abuse or disrespect you, but YOU can’t
to ME.
9. You tend
to take more than give in friendships and relationships.
10. You tend
to look out for yourself, your needs and desires more than anyone else almost
100% of the time.
11. You have
a hard time negotiating or compromising.
12. You have
a deep-seated conviction that you have priority and should always come first,
even at the expense of stepping on others.
13. People
always seem to be offended or upset by what you do or say.
14. You
generally think that you are better, or more important, than other people and
other people should see this and unquestioningly respect you.
15. You
crave admiration and adoration.
16. You like
to assert your dominance or superiority over other people, finding it second
nature.
