jagjit

I got this zany email from Sir Allen... I've read a Pinoy version of this in the past, so it was quite amusing to come across an Indian version. Read on.

Letter from India

My Dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I knowyou cannot read fast.

We are not living where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles. I am not able to send the address, as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. But I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way, I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece we should remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more.

He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,

Mom.

P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized it, I had already sealed off this letter.