on a day when torrential rains lorded over the metro, Lola passed away. that was july 23, two years ago, one of my saddest days. i know she lived a life of pain and a lot of suffering, but i know that she enjoyed her time. wherever she may be, she's in a better place… she's with Mama now. it was also a good thing that she didn't suffer much during her final moments.
i'm glad that i was able to talk to her that night, the last night of her life actually. i told her that i love her and thank her for all the things that she's done for the whole family and me. although she wasn't able to respond verbally, i know that she heard me right. i told her that if it's her time to go, i'll be sad but i'll let go. she mouthed to me that "wala na si lola bukas" and she was gone the day after, at around 4 pm.
she's a big part of my life. when i was a kid, i'd make sure to sleep with her, so that i won't have nightmares. i felt secured when i was sleeping with her because she can easily wake up and help me when i have difficulty breathing due to bad dreams. i was one of her favorite apos, one who ran around buying stuff for our sari-sari store. moreso, i miss her asikaso… ginataang kung anu-ano, from gabi leaves to different kinds of fish and even talbos ng kamoteng kahoy… all the recycled ulam, plus the jokes and the sigaw sa kung sinu-sino. and of course, her trademark, "noy, wala na akong pera…" she was always the first to wake up, the one who gets me up for early schooling and preps me for the day's activities. of course, not all were dainty, but i'm just thankful that she was given to me, for all of my 26 years. thanks to her, the only grandparent i knew, i learned a lot from her experience and her very person.
when mama died, i wasn't able to say goodbye. i'm glad that when it was lola's time, when one of the most important women in my life passed away, i was able to bid her goodbye… for the moment. this has helped me ease through the process of letting go. i was ready, i was even the one who was there, when she was being revived due to her third arrest. but, there was flat line already, she wasn't responding at all. i know at that moment that her time had came, she just waited for my sisters to step in front of the ICU, then she let go.
looking back, the aftermath of lola's passing could have been a lot different. but fate and the choices that the family and individuals have made were all pieced together for a grander reason. it's always sad when there's a huge misunderstanding between family members, but i know, in God's time, things will turn out ok. after all, we're a family… we all wanted what was best for lola.
right now, i want to thank God for giving lola the peace that she needed.
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