yugto

pumayat daw ako. dati-rati, ‘pag galing ako sa biyahe, tumataba ako eh. puro kain kasi. pero kakaiba ang dalawang linggong nagdaan. sabi ko nga di ba, parang isinusubo ko lang ang pagkain, mabilis na ngunguyain para mabusog agad at sa ganoon, makapunta na agad sa opisina o makabalik sa kung ano ang kailangan tapusin. napakadami kasing kailangang isipin, gawin at pakisamahan. ang dalawang linggo ng setyembre ay biyahe… di upang maghalo kahit paano ng kaunting aliw, kundi upang pagtiisan ang mandragora. tila wala na ang mga panahong aabangan mo ang bawat biyahe dahil bibigyan ka nito ng pagkakataong makakita ng mga bagong tanawin. ngayon, maski ang biyahe ay puno na ng kung anong ligalig.

salamat na nga lamang at may mga kaibigan akong tulad ni momi ruth at kay. kung hindi ko sila kinita, di ko na alam paano paliliparin ang isip ko mula sa matinding lundo. masasayang kuwentuhan at huntahan habang kumakain ng masasarap na pagkain. nag-ramen pa kami ni momi ruth sa orchard habang crepe at tsokolate naman ang aming kaharap nang makasama namin si kay sa esplanade. mga ganitong pagkakataon talaga ang aabangan mo.

pero sa 1803, wala na ngang anupamang aabangan. malinaw na talaga ‘yun. bagamat ok naman ang naging resulta ng mga usap sa mga tagabili, di na ito ang nais kong gawin. nasusulasok na ako sa asal at gawi ng mandragora. matanda na yata ako upang sakyan pa ito o sabihin sa sarili kong “ok lang ‘yan”.

hihintayin mo pa bang maging humpak ang pisngi dahil sa nakalalasong bungangkahoy? di na uy. tandaan, ang handog ng adyos ay bagong pintuang magbubukas para sa iyo. sulatin mo na ang bagong yugto.

ok lang

natapos din sa wakas! haaayyy... nakahinga na ako ng maluwag kaninang hapon. nawala na rin ang tinik sa lalamunan ko nitong nakaraang tatlong linggo. ok lang, di palpak. ok naman sa kabuuan. pero di na nga ako naghangad ng anupaman di ba? gusto ko na lang matapos. at natapos nga. yehey!!

this too shall pass

This too, shall pass.

When things are bad, remember: It won't always be this way.

Take one day at a time.

- Doe Zantamata

bigat ng batok

lumipas na nga ang unang linggo ng #damistress. isa pang linggo ang kakaharapin sa lungsod na 32 ang palitan ng pera. at sabi nga nila, lilipas din ito, ang lahat ng pagsisikip ng dibdib, pagkislot ng ugat sa ulo at pagsakit nito at matinding pagbigat ng batok... tulad ng lahat ng bagay, lilipas din.

noong nakaraang linggo ng hapon ako dumating sa kabisera ni bambang. hiniling ko lang na sana'y mabawasan ang matinding stress kahit paano. di ito nangyari. siguro kasi kailangan talagang maganap para matapos na. salamat sa veco notebook, nasusulat ko ang mga bagay-bagay na di ko masabi dahil wala naman akong makausap sa tagalog. 

unang miting pa lang, may kakaibang katahimikan na. lalo sa taksi. likas kasi talaga ang magkongklud. inisip ko na nga na kapag nagtuluy-tuloy ang pambubwisit ay bibira na ako na "huling buwan ko na nga pala ito". para ba mag-iba ang timpla ng mga bagay-bagay. pero sabi ko pa rin sa sarili ko, "let it pass". kaunting tango, uhmm at oo para lang maubos ang oras. malalim na hugot ng buntong-hininga ang kailangan upang gumaan ang pakiramdam. maski anong sarap nga ng pagkain ay para bang panglaman-tiyan lang ang mga ito. di ko manamnam ang linamnam dahil sa ligalig na dala ng mandragora.

nagsimula na nga ang seryosohang usapan sa mga bagay-bagay. may sandaling parang naiisip ko na baka nga panandaliang lagay lang ito ng mga bagay-bagay at magbabago rin tulad ng maraming sandali sa karir ko sa aydisi. pero wala talagang anumang dyus ang mandragora na may kinalaman sa mga terminong magbunsod o magbigay-sigla. wala talaga. kaya sa loob ng dalawang oras na 'yun, mas lalong naging malinaw sa akin na kailangan na talaga ng pag-alpas. mas lalong naging maliwanag sa akin na di na maaari pang ipagpaliban ito... kung hindi, baka bumigay na ang aking puso. wala na rin naman kasing hinihintay (bukod sa potensyal na isa pang biyahe sa kabisera ni rama!). mukhang wala naman ako sa listahan ng maaaring umangat sa lalong madaling panahon at tila tiyak na rin na kakarampot lang ang umento. umento na sa hulyo 2013 pa siguro ibibigay. kaya nga maliwanag na di na talaga singhalaga na manatili pa.

gusto ko na talagang hilahin ang setyembre, matapos ito at mag-oktubre na. grabe na ang stress na dinaranas ko sa tatlong linggong ito. siguro kasi di ko na talaga gusto ang ginagawa ko. sa tatlong linggong ito, parang naduduwal na ako kapag pinipilit kong tumapos ng kahit na ano. may kung anong adobeng nakadagan sa aking dibdib kapag oras na ng pasok. pagkatapos naman ng isang araw ng paglagi sa 1803, parang binagsakan din ng hallow blocks ang batok ko at umaatake ang sakit ng ulo. di ito nagbago sa unang linggo ng biyaheng ito. mukhang lalo pa ngang nadagdagan. kahit na nga may mga nakatutuwang tsismisan kasama ng ibang mga katrabaho, di nito naibsan ang dinaranas kong agoniya at ligalig. sobrang sakit pa rin ng ulo ko kapag patulog na ako.

haayyy... iniisip ko tuloy minsan, bakit nga ba kasi di pa ako umalpas dati? lalo na noong mga panahong sobrang bango ng pangalan ko. siguro ganoon nga kasi ang desisyon mo. di na dapat pang magpahayag ng panimdim. pero ngayon, naroon na ako sa puntong di na mahalaga kung anuman ang sasabihin ng iba. di na maaaring maghintay ang pagbabago. alpas na bago pa man matapos ang 2012. di na uubra ang tradisyunal na "just grin and bear it".

isang linggo pa. isang linggo pa nga. isang araw kada araw... pasasaan ba't matatapos din ang linggong ito.

seventeen

seventeen-th. yup, over that sixteen-th harhar. got it before this trip. it was good and helped a lot in taking my mind off the impending doom.

in zoroastrianism, zoroaster himself wrote 17 chapters in yasna. in harry potter universe, 17 is the coming of age for wizards. 17.

mandragora

is this a case of fantaserye gone real? i guess so. the boy from the sixth sense versus the ever-present rootcrop better known as mandrake. of course, there should be the obligatory supporting characters such as kim chiu and the old fart who sells mosquito net (mosquito net oldie if you must). fantaserye in several locations, hahaha!

it all started with kim chiu who was more than busy with maintaining his (or her?) boracay white sand complexion rather than efficiently perform as the chasers do. naturally, there were a lot of problems. so la mandragora (mandrake en ingles), a familiar demon, was called upon by the mosquito netter to join him in a single aim – to fritter skinny kim chiu away from minas tirith. kim, while being skinny and pasty, still has some kickass brawn and faculty to prevent her(him)self from being completely reduced to pulp by this combined force. kim was able to keep her (his) boney frame in the fray, albeit at a prickly distance. then, mosquito netter and mandrake found the sixth sense boy who’s also a bath away from babe’s master.

when it was revealed, i mean the plan of having sixth sense take over a sub-group, i already thought that this definitely won’t work. not only was it a clash of culture but it has the makings of a classic clash of the personas. one is deeply rooted chaser while the other one has done nothing on it. i already felt that the combined force of the mosquito net oldie and the poisonous mandrake are secretly pushing down sixth sense’s throat the idea of having him eventually take over the chaser. it was as if buying time until he’s ok (and they can get rid of kim for all its worth) with it but it didn’t happen. apart from that disconnect, mandrake has this innate penchant for making someone seem weaker or to feel less confident or impairment through venomous words. words that are deemed final, while sixth sense does not have that asian flavor of holding back or closing the shutter.

the battle between mandragora and seis ran for no more than three months, similar to your average telenovelas. in the end, the boy who could see dead people was pureed by the potency of mandrake juice. his skills just wasn’t enough to overwhelm the noxious shrieks from the rootcrop.

shrieks like mandrakes' torn out of the earth.

– william shakespeare, romeo and juliet

would curses kill, as doth the mandrake's groan.

– william shakespeare, king henry

needless to say, the amalgamated cogency of mandrake juice and mosquito net did put the nail in seis’ corporate coffin. barbara deming said that people attack others need rationalizations for doing so. and rationalizations mandrake did. explanations, lots of it, were forwarded although not publicly given. when will the mosquito net ancient realize that this mandrake is a demoralizing figure and actually needs a good dose of her own poison?

what do i think would be a better stratagem? a battle royale… deathmatch between mandrake and mosquito net. imagine the dueling that will ensue between two monsters! one is fresh from earth’s innards and armed with fatal yelp and ultra toxic juice while the other is one dexterous, colossal ogre with whoppers for eyes and brandishing a deadly mosquito net. but will this ever happen? duda mas… mandrake enjoys curtsying to upper beings. it’s the asian thingie y’ know. mandrake’s bringing the needed moolah, which is always a good thing for the mosquito netter who also has betadined eyebags. but who knows? everything’s possible. it’s a big fantaserye after all and has the makings of an epic a la game of thrones. we’ll see.

tito sotto

gaano ba kahirap mag-attribute? kailangan ba nito ng sangkaterbang punyagi para maisagawa? ang maikling sagot, hindi. maraming paraan upang banggitin ito sa isang talumpati o artikulo, lalo na ngayong di na uso ang footnote. di rin porke tinagalog mo na ay iyo na ang ideya sa likod ng mga salita ng ibang tao. kailangan pa rin ng tamang atribusyon.

 
dalawang bagay lang ang pinatunayan ng muling pangongopya ng senador na si tito sotto. una, ang mga tao sa likod ng kanyang mga materyales ay may katamaran at di pinagsasanggalang ang dangal ng kanilang amo. pangalawa, pangkomedyante talaga ang kapal ng apog nitong si tito sotto. sige na nga’t tinatanggap naman na talamak ang kopyahan sa kanilang mga talumpati sa senado. pero di niya dapat ito ipinagsangkalan upang disimulahin ang isyu ng pangongopya niya ng walang anumang atribusyon sa orihinal na may-akda. tapos na sana ang isyu kung maginoo siyang nagpaumanhin at muling itinuon ang pansin sa paglalahad ng mga patunay sa paglaban niya sa RH bill. pero hindi. arogante niyang pinangatawanan ang maling aksyon at minaliit pa niya ang mga blogger. ayon sa kanya, wala siyang kasong dapat harapin dahil wala namang batas na nagpapataw ng parusa sa pangongopya sa pilipinas.

di naman kabawasan sa laman ng talumpati o artikulo ang tamang atribusyon. sa katunayan, isa itong kasangkapan upang palakasin ang iyong argumento. pambansa ang kanyang podyum kaya’t dapat na isaalang-alang ang malalimang epekto ng ganitong aksyon. kung tunay itong matalino, inisip sana ni senador tito sotto na maging magandang ehemplo sa mga kabataang nasa mga paaralan pa upang iwasan ang madaliang remedyo ng direktang pangongopya para lang makapaghatid ng talumpati o sa sitwasyon ng mga estudyante, makapagsumite ng anumang proyekto o papel.

isa si sotto sa mga dahilan kung bakit mabigat sa loob kong tingnan ang aking payslip kada buwan. napakalaki ng buwis na kinakaltas sa akin, tapos isang mapagmalaki’t tagapaghatid ng mga maling impormasyon lang ang pagkakagastusan.

di naman nakatatawa ito sa eat bulaga. lalo na ngayon. patunay lang na walang wawa itong si sotto. buti ay di ko siya binoto magmula ng ako ay nagkaroon ng pagkakataong bumoto. [larawan sa baba galing kay fashionpulis]

sixteen

john cage said, "if something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. if still boring, then eight. then sixteen. then thirty-two. eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all."

to begin with, it wasn't boring. it was full of challenges and you're actually telling yourself that you can do it. and you did. you did it. the countdown says sixteen. has it been that much (or many)? already? really?

really. sixteen. wikipedia says that there are 16 pawns in a chess set and it starts with 16 pieces; myers-briggs has 16 types of personalities; most bank card numbers are 16 digits long; 16 is also the age when young population are either allowed to take on a job, to secure a driver's license... "coming of age" so to speak. sixteen. landmark. we'll see if this will be doubled. for now, it's a big har har har!!!

best exotic marigold hotel

i first saw this charming and enjoyable movie on my way back to manila from singapore in early july. end of august, i got another chance to watch it from emma and royd’s files. best marigold exotic hotel is about a group of british retirees who moved to a well-publicized hotel cum retirement home in india. the group included evelyn greenslade, a recently widowed housewife (judi dench); graham dashwood, a retiring judge (tom wilkinson); jean and douglas ainslie, a married couple looking for a smaller home (penelope wilton and bill nighy); norman cousins, an aged man looking for a new fling (ronald pickup); madge hardcastle, a doting grandmother wanting to find a new husband (celia imrie); and muriel dornelly, a racist former maid who needs hip replacement (maggie smith).

i expected it to be sappy and too sentimental. after all, it’s about old age and all the issues that have to do with aging and retirement. maybe brought on by previous movies, but when you say movies about life’s twilight years, flicks would be peppered with schmaltzy commotions on regret or compunction. however to my utter delight, best exotic marigold hotel wasn’t sentimental at all. ok, there were some scenes that actually were emotional and hollywoodish such as when jean leaves douglas to go back to england. but overall, old age wasn’t told as if it’s something to be disappointed about or to lament of yesteryears. yes, there may be past events that need to be taken care of, addressed and accepted but this doesn’t mean that individuals should bemoan of past experiences or wrong choices. it’s not something to be afraid of, rather embraced as part of this journey called life. old age should still be enjoyed, either to pursue a lifelong dream or to have more meaningful relationships.

india’s “dirty” and chaotic setting supplied the free-for-all mêlée, as well as the clash of the cultures, especially in the case of sonny (dev patel) and his mother. john madden’s superb directing and the intelligent script’s witty one-liners made it a joyous treat. most of all, its stellar cast gave life to this movie. because of its brilliant cast, it is funny and moving at the same time. it wouldn’t have been successful if it didn’t have the authenticity and hushed in-self toil of tom wilkinson’s graham who found his long lost love in india or the funny banter between celia imrie and ronald pickup. for sure, the central presence of judi dench and her evelyn’s newfound relationship with bill nighy’s douglas gave the movie its openness and warmth, while maggie smith’s at first bigoted muriel ending up as a catalyst for the hotel’s needed facelift provided the movie its requisite turnabout. this is a fine example of what they call exemplary acting ensemble.

dealing with old age over there in england is evidently a lot different from what we practice here in the philippines. the might of an extended family and innate close family ties mean that our lolos and lolas rarely need to think about finding a retirement home when they reach that age. through this movie, i also realized that europe’s aging population can be a good business opportunity for the philippines. while thailand lords over medical tourism right now, retirement homes can be another good opening in the country. pinoys can set up these oldie-friendly retirement homes, have retirees move here, where they can still do a lot of other things to while away time. it can be taking part of NGOs or to volunteer in good causes such as on education or health-related projects. second tier and not-too crowded cities such as dumaguete, negros oriental or legazpi, albay can house these western retirees. pinoys’ instinctive aptitude to care for aged persons will work well in this setting.

certainly, aging is a real issue and like i’ve said, cultures have varied ways to deal with this. what’s good with this movie is its humor-y approach to retirement, it didn’t feel contrived at all and it actually left me that feeling of delight and uplift-ment.

“sonny: everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not the end.”

new job

Is It Time For A New Job?

By SC Chua for Yahoo! Southeast Asia
http://ph.she.yahoo.com/blogs/self-and-style/time-job-061857718.html

There are bad days at work… and then there are days that make you want to tear your hair out and put in your month's notice. A job is pretty much like a relationship; you know in your gut when it's just not working out and that you should be moving on to a better one.

But how do you tell if a new job is what you need to jumpstart your career or if you are simply jumping the career gun? Take heed from these signs.

1. You've been miserable and bitter for months

Sure, there are days when you feel like you hate your job and can't stand your boss, but is it something that has been going on month after month?

Time for a new scenery, says Alison Green, author of Managing to Change the World: The Nonprofit Leader's Guide to Getting Results. "It's a good sign that nothing is going to change and you should start looking for somewhere where you'll be happier."

2. You've been passed over for promotions. Again.

If it happens once, fine. But if it happens repeatedly, maybe it is time to take the hint. If the problem doesn't lie with you, it could actually be with the organization, which either does not have a position for you or is unable to recognize talent. Whatever the reason, it's better for you to get out before you get pegged into your role.

Says Terri Deems, career consultant and author of Make Job Loss Work For You, "If all feedback says you're the right person for these promotions and they're still not happening, chances are you've gone as far as you can in the organization." Our suggestion? Find a company that has a role for you or one that will give you the opportunity to go far.

3. Management issues

Sure, your boss may seem clueless, but if it appears that every manager in the company is the same, then it is time for you to reconsider if you want to stick with a company that doesn't know what they are doing, especially if the organization seems to be in chaos all the time. It's one thing for an individual to be clueless, but another for the entire company culture to exude that.

4. Your company is failing

The boat is sinking. And it's time for you to jump before you sink along with it. Staying on a sinking ship can in fact damage your long-term prospects (especially if you turn down a job opportunity in the midst of it all). Clues that your company isn't doing great? Declining stock price, increase in turnover, indiscriminating cost-cutting, low workplace morale (even from your boss) are some clues to look out for.

5. You've been given fewer responsibilities.

Is your boss sidelining you for projects? Whatever the reason may be, being given less work is never a good sign; either you or your company is in trouble. And with no new responsibilities, how are you going to prove your worth?

If this sounds like something you're going through, it's time to take action, says Adrian Miller, author of The Blatant Truth: 50 Ways to Sales Success. "You can't lose anything by being direct and calling out your supervisor on the fact that you aren't given the same amount of work and asking how the situation can be corrected. This might prompt being let go, but isn't it better than just waiting for the axe to fall?" he says.

6. You wish you were doing something else

So you really want to be in advertising, but instead you're doing some random office job. While it is reasonable to make ends meet, being in a job you have no passion for won't spell success. Instead, it will result in low morale as well as unhappiness that will spill over to other parts of your life—think Monday blues all the time!

Says John Salt, director for Totaljobs.com, "Work is such an important part of most of our lives, and if your job truly makes you unhappy then you should look to change that—you owe yourself that much."

Wait! What if all you really need is a short break to get away from your mundane work life so you can come back motivated and rejuvenated to take it on again? Or perhaps a new responsibility to help spear on a newfound passion at work?

To determine if that's what you actually need instead of a new job, Salt recommends you ask yourself the following: "Is it your current role that you are unhappy with or work in general? If it's the latter, how will changing jobs solve that? If it's the former, you can change your current role to make it more enjoyable without leaving your present employment, or do you need fresh surroundings and challenges to help you start to love your job again?"

If you find yourself in the following situations, we suggest you hold on to the resume first.

• You are less productive, especially if you find yourself taking a lot of breaks to accomplish a project. This is a sign the current demands on you are exceeding your resources. Talk to your boss for some time off to clear you mind.

• Find yourself getting short-tempered, even with the nicest person in the office? A vacation will do that attitude some good, especially if work stress is what's getting to you.

• You dream about quitting. Everybody does it. But before you actually make it come true, try taking a few days off to see if maybe what you really need is just a break and some R&R instead of a new position.

• The quality of your work isn't what it used to be. Blame it on burnout but it happens even to the best of us, especially if you are pulling in all-nighters. Before it takes a toll on your performance, check yourself on a holiday to de-stress so you can come back the stellar performer you used to be.

• You are bored at work. Spreadsheets, again? Time to ask the boss for a new challenge or responsibility so you can hone new skills.

ber

this morning i got a text saying, "merry christmas!" from alice. yes, the countdown has started. countdown to christmas that is. it may be the start of the bed weather or the onset of heavy traffic jams, but pinoys really do have a thing with ber months, which of course starts today. shopping and for employees like me, the ber months can also mean "extra bucks for a year of hardwork and dedication", as most bonuses are doled out during these months. as for me, this year's ber months could potentially be a crossroad as landmark decisions should be made. anyway, whatever reason(s) one has, it's always a hearty thing to look forward to the holiday season... the ber months usher in the christmas spirit and a time to spend with one's family. happy christmas!